~*Our Beautiful summer*~

My beautiful summer! First time in my life I wished summer would end already. The time we get the most time to spend together, wants to be spent alone. Our beautiful summer wont be so beautiful anymore.Today as I watch  people walking through the park, talking, and enjoying each others companies. It made me break inside. The times we walk through the park just talking and enjoying the day is gone. The water park slides will have to let me go alone. My tennis matches will be against the wall. My beautiful beach days that I was looking forward to so much, is now a gloomy day.That may be it, not wanting to see me on the beach, no one does, so I will go alone. Summer day movies, are movies at home. Today I watched "our tree," just remembering our days and letting it stare at me with its bony, leafless figure. "I'm never going to grow up, I'm never going to grow my summer leaves." "I'm done, just forget me." I stared it down so hard, watching it just slightly move in the breeze in silence. I felt as if it was laughing at me, laughing at how stupid I was, how foolish. I laughed at it back, thinking  i will glue leaves on you if I have to! look who is smiling now!

Started on 3/10 with 168 days

Now its 3/13 with 165.07 days with .45 of a year

Only a few days have passed and I feel already Ive lost my one true love. I see no signs of any care still left, I guess that's what he wanted, he wanted to not be able to care for anyone.  Has he lost interest, lost his love, his care he was so passionate about. Now he has his rocks to love, his beautiful  rocks that he is attracted to so much. He wont ever let those go. That's what you love and you will fight for those rocks with your life. you will let them form to your life. Me...Im okay... I left to be thrown in useless rock pile, left wondering why. With no explanation, just a Leave me alone with no sign of any sadness, we can't have anything to do with each other. Hard to believe he still cares for me, even harder to explain it to someone else. Even with all this, no one can understand the love I have for this man. He is everything for me, he is the one who makes everything possible in my life. he makes me smile in the hardest on times, keeps me motivated in my times of lost, understands me and know my past and brings my future. But, he doesn't want me in my present. I  will wait and count the days until I get the happiest or saddest call of my life.

I will pray for you and your family always
Please Please let summer end already