Just a memory

I sit here on my bed at 4am in the morning wondering how this man on my screen saver has so easily slipped away. They ask me are you guys still together? I  answer although we don't see each other, I am always with him and no one can make me forget. Is he still worth it? I answer yea, he is, he really and truly is. They stop and stare at my sad and worried face and they understand. Pat me on the shoulder and just nod.I sit here and wonder is he okay, is he hurting, does he love me the way he always told me he did, is he fading away. Or is he slowing fading his love into just memories of his past, like where all his past relationships are. I don't want to be one of your relationships you had where you didn't care and didn't try. How could you go around faking your okay, telling me you don't want to lie, when you no very well this break up is a lie. Telling us we should talk to people, but don't want to talk. I remember when we talked, we talked everything out. I remember when you told me you love me, told me how beautiful I was, how much I meant to you. Now its been about a month and I haven't heard nothing about how if he misses me, if he still feels the way he does.
 My friends push and push me to go out, so I do. They tell me come out, its not good to stay inside. So I go out, and enjoy some time, until every time I go out it happens. Its bad, all my memories of our good times together bring those painful tears to my eyes, I disappoint my friends to tell them I have to go, I just can't.   I even had to slap a few people! What kind of guy goes up to a girl and tells them, you want to come to my place, without even a hello. Guess what I said! I said, "The love of my life warned me about you sweet talkers, get away from me!" Yea of course he didn't give up and grabbed my arm tight and said, "well where is this guy?"  I slapped him so hard everyone looked, and I left walking home. I left that day so tempted to call the guy on my screen saver, but i couldn't. I know it would of hurt even more when he didn't picked up. I just really hope he realizes how much my heart really cares about him and how he is doing. I just hope he realizes the love I have for him. I hope I'm just not that shadow of a past memory.

153.75 days, .42 yr.

4:53am, 5/25