A night of pain, tears, and barely sleep is followed by the same thing the next day. I never knew that falling asleep crying would leave me to wake me up with tears in my eyes with no one to talk to. Does he feel the same? In my mind, he has lots of other things to worry about and I am on the last on his mind. I am not sure how I made it through this day knowing I'm alone, he was my best friend, he was the one I talked to when i was sad or upset, he was always their for me, without my best friend I'm alone. Who am I suppose to talk to and tell me its going to be alright. I need my friend back, i need someone to talk to. I don't want to be strong, I don't want to tell everyone everything is okay when its not, I want to be in his arms now and forever.
Today after class I thought to myself, thank goodness I am going to work, and don't have to sit home. How wrong was that thought! Everyone saw right through me! I tried to be strong, tell everyone everything is fine, when its not. It makes it worse when people sympathize saying, "don't worry," "Are you okay," "give me a hug,". No, no , no please it hurts even more. Of course, tears come down, even when I try my hardest to keep them in, I have no control. I'm weak. This whole day at work, I hoped and wished and prayed that he would walk through those doors and tell me he loves me and give me a GIGANTIC MONISHA KISS, and tell me he wants to plan our spring break, vacation, our home, family, wants to spend his life with me and he is sorry, and will never let me go. But as customer after customer walk through those doors and night nears, i hopes dissolve and my heart sinks even further.
Lastly it was hardest thing ever not to text him, "Good night, I love you, kisses" How could I just stop what I have been doing a year without any pain or reason why I should stop, when we both love each other so much. He needs his space, I make him soo happy he tells me, but he needs to be alone. For how long, no one will tell me. I just sit wishing he would take me back. Even through all this, I would take him back within a heart beat, without even a thought. I love him with all my heart, now I just waiting to see if he does too. Am I still his bella, monisha, love, mi amor? Its hard to think he cares.
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