Looking for answers

There is a few places where u can find peace in your mind even when everything around is a noisy explosion, that is in the night and the stars. When you see the complexity and the simplicity combined to make those sparkly dots in that black mantle... Its truly beautiful.
Millions, billions of them looking at you... But you ignore them. Sometimes you watch shooting stars, the ones that are tired to be ignored so they wave their tale and fly closer in a desperate call for attention.
Nights are perfect to reflect in what we have become.

Running Away

I bought new sneakers. Running sneakers. I bought sneakers and a ran. I ran far far away. Away from everything. And you know what no one will ever miss me where I am. I away, away from it all. Away from my aunt who was diagnosed with lime disease, with no cure, and in critical condition. My  uncle who is now battling cancer in his back. Can I run please. Thats Selfish, running, I'm hurt, but I look at my my 2 younger cousins and how they hurting and rebelling against life because both their mom and dad are sick and their grandma's funeral that recently passed.I can't do anything, I can't help them. They want to be left alone. I'm running so fast to you. Running with open arms for just to be in you warm arms, just quietly there, to help stop me from running. I think Ive arrived in PA by now. I gotta turn back now, nobody is waiting for me there. I feel useless.

30 things to start doing for yourself

Our previous article, 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself, was well received by most of our readers, but several of you suggested that we follow it up with a list of things to start doing. In one reader’s words, “I would love to see you revisit each of these 30 principles, but instead of presenting us with a ‘to-don’t’ list, present us with a ‘to-do’ list that we all can start working on today, together.” Some folks, such as readers Danny Head and Satori Agape, actually took it one step further and emailed us their own revised ‘to-do’ versions of the list.

So I sat down last night with our original article and the two reader’s revisions as a guide, and a couple hours later finalized a new list of 30 things; which ended up being, I think, a perfect complement to the original.

Here it is, a positive ‘to-do’ list for the upcoming year – 30 things to start doing for yourself:

Start spending time with the right people. – These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally.
Start facing your problems head on. – It isn’t your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them. Problems will not disappear unless you take action. Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you’ve done. It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch. These inches count, they add up to yards and miles in the long run.
Start being honest with yourself about everything. – Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed. Be honest about what you want to achieve and who you want to become. Be honest with every aspect of your life, always. Because you are the one person you can forever count on. Search your soul, for the truth, so that you truly know who you are. Once you do, you’ll have a better understanding of where you are now and how you got here, and you’ll be better equipped to identify where you want to go and how to get there. Read The Road Less Traveled.
Start making your own happiness a priority. – Your needs matter. If you don’t value yourself, look out for yourself, and stick up for yourself, you’re sabotaging yourself. Remember, it IS possible to take care of your own needs while simultaneously caring for those around you. And once your needs are met, you will likely be far more capable of helping those who need you most.
Start being yourself, genuinely and proudly. – Trying to be anyone else is a waste of the person you are. Be yourself. Embrace that individual inside you that has ideas, strengths and beauty like no one else. Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms. Above all, be true to YOU, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.
Start noticing and living in the present. – Right now is a miracle. Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. So stop thinking about how great things will be in the future. Stop dwelling on what did or didn’t happen in the past. Learn to be in the ‘here and now’ and experience life as it’s happening. Appreciate the world for the beauty that it holds, right now.
Start valuing the lessons your mistakes teach you. – Mistakes are okay; they’re the stepping stones of progress. If you’re not failing from time to time, you’re not trying hard enough and you’re not learning. Take risks, stumble, fall, and then get up and try again. Appreciate that you are pushing yourself, learning, growing and improving. Significant achievements are almost invariably realized at the end of a long road of failures. One of the ‘mistakes’ you fear might just be the link to your greatest achievement yet.
Start being more polite to yourself. – If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend? The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. You must love who you are or no one else will.
Start enjoying the things you already have. – The problem with many of us is that we think we’ll be happy when we reach a certain level in life – a level we see others operating at – your boss with her corner office, that friend of a friend who owns a mansion on the beach, etc. Unfortunately, it takes awhile before you get there, and when you get there you’ll likely have a new destination in mind. You’ll end up spending your whole life working toward something new without ever stopping to enjoy the things you have now. So take a quiet moment every morning when you first awake to appreciate where you are and what you already have.
Start creating your own happiness. – If you are waiting for someone else to make you happy, you’re missing out. Smile because you can. Choose happiness. Be the change you want to see in the world. Be happy with who you are now, and let your positivity inspire your journey into tomorrow. Happiness is often found when and where you decide to seek it. If you look for happiness within the opportunities you have, you will eventually find it. But if you constantly look for something else, unfortunately, you’ll find that too. Read Stumbling on Happiness.
Start giving your ideas and dreams a chance. – In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Most of the time you just have to go for it! And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be. Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win.
Start believing that you’re ready for the next step. – You are ready! Think about it. You have everything you need right now to take the next small, realistic step forward. So embrace the opportunities that come your way, and accept the challenges – they’re gifts that will help you to grow.
Start entering new relationships for the right reasons. – Enter new relationships with dependable, honest people who reflect the person you are and the person you want to be. Choose friends you are proud to know, people you admire, who show you love and respect – people who reciprocate your kindness and commitment. And pay attention to what people do, because a person’s actions are much more important than their words or how others represent them.
Start giving new people you meet a chance. – It sounds harsh, but you cannot keep every friend you’ve ever made. People and priorities change. As some relationships fade others will grow. Appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work. Trust your judgment. Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.
Start competing against an earlier version of yourself. – Be inspired by others, appreciate others, learn from others, but know that competing against them is a waste of time. You are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself. You are competing to be the best you can be. Aim to break your own personal records.
Start cheering for other people’s victories. – Start noticing what you like about others and tell them. Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places. So be happy for those who are making progress. Cheer for their victories. Be thankful for their blessings, openly. What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you.
Start looking for the silver lining in tough situations. – When things are hard, and you feel down, take a few deep breaths and look for the silver lining – the small glimmers of hope. Remind yourself that you can and will grow stronger from these hard times. And remain conscious of your blessings and victories – all the things in your life that are right. Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t.
Start forgiving yourself and others. – We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others. And while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long. We relive the pain over and over and have a hard time letting go. Forgiveness is the remedy. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.
Start helping those around you. – Care about people. Guide them if you know a better way. The more you help others, the more they will want to help you. Love and kindness begets love and kindness. And so on and so forth.
Start listening to your own inner voice. – If it helps, discuss your ideas with those closest to you, but give yourself enough room to follow your own intuition. Be true to yourself. Say what you need to say. Do what you know in your heart is right.
Start being attentive to your stress level and take short breaks. – Slow down. Breathe. Give yourself permission to pause, regroup and move forward with clarity and purpose. When you’re at your busiest, a brief recess can rejuvenate your mind and increase your productivity. These short breaks will help you regain your sanity and reflect on your recent actions so you can be sure they’re in line with your goals.
Start noticing the beauty of small moments. – Instead of waiting for the big things to happen – marriage, kids, big promotion, winning the lottery – find happiness in the small things that happen every day. Little things like having a quiet cup of coffee in the early morning, or the delicious taste and smell of a homemade meal, or the pleasure of sharing something you enjoy with someone else, or holding hands with your partner. Noticing these small pleasures on a daily basis makes a big difference in the quality of your life.
Start accepting things when they are less than perfect. – Remember, ‘perfect’ is the enemy of ‘good.’ One of the biggest challenges for people who want to improve themselves and improve the world is learning to accept things as they are. Sometimes it’s better to accept and appreciate the world as it is, and people as they are, rather than to trying to make everything and everyone conform to an impossible ideal. No, you shouldn’t accept a life of mediocrity, but learn to love and value things when they are less than perfect.
Start working toward your goals every single day. – Remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Whatever it is you dream about, start taking small, logical steps every day to make it happen. Get out there and DO something! The harder you work the luckier you will become. While many of us decide at some point during the course of our lives that we want to answer our calling, only an astute few of us actually work on it. By ‘working on it,’ I mean consistently devoting oneself to the end result. Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
Start being more open about how you feel. – If you’re hurting, give yourself the necessary space and time to hurt, but be open about it. Talk to those closest to you. Tell them the truth about how you feel. Let them listen. The simple act of getting things off your chest and into the open is your first step toward feeling good again.
Start taking full accountability for your own life. – Own your choices and mistakes, and be willing to take the necessary steps to improve upon them. Either you take accountability for your life or someone else will. And when they do, you’ll become a slave to their ideas and dreams instead of a pioneer of your own. You are the only one who can directly control the outcome of your life. And no, it won’t always be easy. Every person has a stack of obstacles in front of them. But you must take accountability for your situation and overcome these obstacles. Choosing not to is choosing a lifetime of mere existence.
Start actively nurturing your most important relationships. – Bring real, honest joy into your life and the lives of those you love by simply telling them how much they mean to you on a regular basis. You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people. Decide who these people are in your life and treat them like royalty. Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of.
Start concentrating on the things you can control. – You can’t change everything, but you can always change something. Wasting your time, talent and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control is a recipe for frustration, misery and stagnation. Invest your energy in the things you can control, and act on them now.
Start focusing on the possibility of positive outcomes. – The mind must believe it CAN do something before it is capable of actually doing it. The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful. Listen to your self-talk and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Regardless of how a situation seems, focus on what you DO WANT to happen, and then take the next positive step forward. No, you can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you react to things. Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects – whether or not you’re happy and successful in the long run depends greatly on which aspects you focus on. Read The How of Happiness.
Start noticing how wealthy you are right now. – Henry David Thoreau once said, “Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.” Even when times are tough, it’s always important to keep things in perspective. You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night. You didn’t go to sleep outside. You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning. You hardly broke a sweat today. You didn’t spend a minute in fear. You have access to clean drinking water. You have access to medical care. You have access to the Internet.

My Dream 2

I watch like a movie from a far, I watch like im watching myself in a movie. Sitting together on the bench. Sitting as I watch from a far and we are talking. I see from a far on the right across the street, next to our tree a young woman. A woman  I never met, she has long long black hair, petite and fit. She leans on the tree staring at us while we talk.Like she is guarding you and watching you to make sure you don't do anything.  I watch this like its a silent movie, I can' hear anything, but I know we are just talking, with your hand gently on my hand. I point over to the woman, and you put your head down and shake it.I put my head down and look up at the woman and than at you. I Watch as I stare at you intensively. It ends, I've been replaced.

Compromise

I've been thinking and I after talking with Lauren made me realize a relationship is based on Compromise. Without compromise, in general, a relationship can't exist, it needs to be give and take.I asked her, if mike had to move to another state for a job far away, would you go. Her answer, "I love mike very much and support him in his decisions, but we are a team and we communicate and discuss different options and take different compromises in the relationship, and if after talking and feel it would be a good opportunity then yea we would move together." It was interesting because I know a relationship is based on a lot of different things, but until this moment i forgot out compromise.Our decisions we make throughout our life our based on our own thoughts as well as the people around you. Throughout our life we made tremendous compromise. We comprised our family and friend time for our education. Throughout our life we make these different compromises and i believe without it in a relationship, the relationship will be compromised. I hope one day we will be able to communicate and make compromises together.

Graduation

Graduation Day. Today was my 1st of 2 graduation. Graduating from the School of Business in Montclair State with a degree in Management and Marketing. It felt good to walk and shake hands with the Dean of Business and President.As my family watched me walk. It was funny because my whole family went in white and with 3 hours in the sun, they are now lobsters, well except my dad and me because I was completing covered. We took lots of pictures and some video to go with it to keep that moment alive, to show you, to look back in the future, for our monitos. It was a nice ceremony, but even with all my support their I was still missing someone. It hurt a little to not have the one special person to see me there walking. It hurt and my mom and big brother could see it. Thank you for everything, its amazing how you make me feel, even when your not here.

small victim

looking from the ski the jungle looks so dense. Once you are down there, everything looks so different, highly detail. The whole perspective changes it is not the same but you still have the sense that you are small wherever you go.

BEBE-Cuando mas me sujetas

It was no use your filling the jug with honey

As it'd turned into bitter bile when I drank from it

The more you hold me, the more I'm afraid to fall

I abandoned my space and you made a space for me in your skin

And as with a rosary, I prayed every part without understanding that

The more you hold me, the more I'm afraid to fall

Like a lost star, I swam in your universe and got thirsty

And you didn't think twice before putting the ocean at my feet

The more you hold me, the more I'm afraid to fall

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udFXVWCOxqQ

Wondering

So, I was wondering why we wait for that special one to come. Why we look desperately for that person that make us feel unique, special, needed, loved. Why do we mess up so many times while waiting for that special one. I was jealous and upset when I heard that as soon as she was "single" her ex start talking to her, texting her, etc. but then I start to think. I start to wonder that maybe he really was waiting for that moment to come to him. maybe He has been looking and maybe he is trying (at least that is what I think/wonder). Another people start talking to her, texting her, another people start looking for their special one. I am wonder.
On my birthday I got a couple of messages from people who I haven't talked for a while. Some ex's. They are good friends of mine after our relationships have ended. Some of which did not ended that well. I apologized to them for that already. However, one my ex- I never could apologize with. She sent me a message and we talked for a some time. It meant a lot to me to be able to talk to her and get everything cleared out.
Every relationship leaves a mark in our hearts. We love differently every person and we develop new feelings that we never thought we could feel. It is good to clear things up with previous relationships so we can move on to new relationships or perhaps rediscover that special one.

Absoutely Adorable

It was the cutest thing! It was like watching a baby laugh and do something silly. It was another one of my long shifts today 11am-and didn't get home till 1AM. With Jay gone, Katie still hurt, and lots of employee adjustments. They gave me the store,acting GM, for the time being. Don't know why I agreed, don't know why I said yes with the ending of the school semester, its been tough and I really can't take this stress now. Ha! and no one wants to hear whats happening at work lol! Only you listened, although you may have not wanted to listen to me ramble on and on, you listened and gave your advice What do I get from my parents, "ah, uh, yeah, I know, ah, uh, you shouldn't have said yes then." Do i get extra doing it, No! What do  I get,  a pat on the back for taking over a mess, maybe some recognition later on, I guess I'm just trying to help out. All I know, boy can I tell you, this is tough!. Okay now, back to my story, to the point, it was a long day. That being said I might of been just imagining things. A older women, born in 1925, comes up to me and ask how do I get one of these "My Panera Cards"(BTW, these cards are panera's loyalty cards). I swear this lady looked exactly like me just 10x times older. She even had a little freckle on her cheek, it was really freaky.Anyways, I tell her, "I can give you a card and you just have to register it on online and you will start receiving rewards." She got all excited and said, "yes I would like one".At this point this is when her husband walked over. I swear this guy was a white person of you! Same cute nose, glasses, shape of your face, and even the way he talked! (again it was a long day, maybe I was just dreaming). I gentlemen goes what are you doing sweetie. The older lady says, "I'm getting a Mypanera card, I'm here enough." As she says that she boops his nose and pinches is cheek lightly, stares at him for a moment, while he smiles gentle at her and their wrinkled hands reach one another, one on top of the other. For some reason that gave me Dayshavoo. (I booped his nose all the time). Anyways I pointed them over to the computer, so they would register it. They quickly said, "do I click the screen, what do I do, I'm sorry could you help us we are still from the dark ages" I quickly ran over to help them out to register the card and get them started. They told me their names were mary and charles (Oh, what ya know!). I asked her birth day and thats how I know her birth year. This is when she tells me a story, she whispers softly while her husband stands a little behind her, " you know he was my first boyfriend, my first love, and as he tells me I was his first love,first girlfriend."  I didn't know what to you say!. I just wanted to pinch her cheeks like a little baby!. It was sooo adorable, I said, "awww, that very sweet." We glance over and smile at the husband and he says, "What are you girls talking about, no secrets now" and he gives a warm smile. I finally told them they were all set and they actually just received a free pastry for signing up. She softly Hurrays and her husband says what happen sweetie, so softly, so gently, he says it like he truly cares, he really wants to know. They assured me they will back for their treat and were on their way. As I watch them leave, she reaches for his hand with a big warm smile on her face. He smiles back and hold her hands and walks her to the door very slowly and carefully (it was probably because they were older, but it felt like he was taking care of her, being gentle and holding her like she was her precious diamond), until he reaches to open the door and he holds her back gently as she walks through the door. I watched as they walked to their cars and he opens the door and holds her hand as she gets in the car and watch as they drive away. I stared at the window for a few minutes, just thinking, thinking how after all these years, all this time together they are still so in love, they are so loving and caring of each.  How after all this time they still have that special spark, from when they first dated, it amazed me and it gave me hope again. I hope one day my relationship, our relationship, will end like theirs, like a true everlasting compassion and love for one another. It may seem like I'm crazy thinking that far ahead, thinking exactly how I picture my relationship in the future, believe me I know its crazy, but I can't help to think, that's what a I what, that how I want to feel after decades together. A girl can hope and dream, and try to make it real,right?

lento

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBwfAOJJkFs

23 years

23 years have passed since the day we open our eyes to this great world. It is 23 years since the doctor said "Is a baby girl"..."is a baby boy". 23 years since we cried for the first time in this world. 23 years that we laughed for the first time. 23 years that for the first time we got to met our parents. 23 years since we got to hear the language that would our native language. Although, looking back it seems like it is a long time, we still learning how to walk on this world. It is amazing and beautiful to imagine us making our first steps and saying our first words. Falling for the first time and getting up while riding the bike. Learning to do gymnastics, learning to play soccer. Learning to write our name, learning to count, learning that our first love was better than our first kiss. learning to that goodbye not always means goodbye. Learning, that fire burns and that sticking your tongue in the freezer can be quite dangerous. Learning to dislike seafood. Learning to admire superheroes and to imagine perfect love stories. Learning to discover ladybugs, lizards, monkeys, rocks, rainbows. We have been in so many pictures, we have been taken so many pictures. We have been interviewed, and we have interviewed. We have argued and say many things that we regretted later. We cried in the shower, we have cried while walking. We have laughed until our bellies hurt. We have laughed so hard that we have cried. We learned that rain is more than water falling but it the sky extending its lips to kiss us. We have seen so many movies. We have watched so many people walking by us, crying with us, and laughing at us. We have walked by them, cry them and support them, and also make fun of them. So many times we fell down the stairs, while playing sports, while cleaning the snow. We have traveled many miles to work, to school. We have walked so long since our first steps. Without us the world is only ~6.98 billion. We make the 7 billion. How much money we have spent. How many thoughts have we had? So, 23 years have passed. Two decades of adventures.

My Scar, Our scar

Do you remember, the scar. I remember.I remember my the scar because it stares on me from the knee. It stares and reminds me of our beautiful time. That moment that that makes me dream and hope my birthday wishes come true. Do you remember that scar you told me will go away. I don't put Vitamin-E on it anymore. It truly is a scar, It won't go away, like many things I feel in my heart. I don't want it to go away, it a beautiful thing. I wonder, I'm scared for life, is he?
-
<3My birthday wish is not for us to be back, but for you to be happy.(if that's with or without me)

Our Birthday 2

Thinking of you with love on your birthday and wishing you everything that brings you happiness today and always. Happy birthday to us both, I love how your bigger than me by a little bit on everything. :)
 










 Compatibility by Birthdays:
"Your similarities make it simple to understand each other and enjoy your time. Both of you are very tolerant and calm, and this will help you overcome the biggest of disagreements with ease. However since both of you like to follow the flow and prefer not to take big steps, you have to learn how to take initiative sometimes, so that your relationship will move ahead. Bulls love consistency and stability so if two of them hit off from the right foot, the relationship can easily grow into something very meaningful. A perfect match overall."
 
~Maybe not coincidence, maybe it was just meant to be. 

Our birthday

Our Birthday!!
I just want to thank that special one, that person that is awesomos. Things happen for a reason and they are not as we planned it. However, her beauty, her humbleness, her hard work, her sacrifices, her friendship, and her support have been the best present. Happy birthday Bella too.
Is it a coincidence that we are born one after the other??? lol

U didn't say I love u

keeps moving

The more I watch from a distance the more I realize he is okay. He is happy. His life and dreams are moving forward with or without me. Is that suppose to mean something. That he wants to be alone. That he is okay without me. That he wants to have his journeys with everyone but me. What does that mean. At one point I remember him missing me when I was still standing in front of me. Now he is okay.Now he doesn't have to miss me. He is okay with just with our memories of a beautiful love and nothing more. He is happy.   All I know is that it hurts to hear him be okay with everything. As I watch him debate weather he wants to be with me or not. I realize that it has to be the case. He is deciding if we can continue our journey or end it. I would never be able to do this unless I had doubts about our relationship, our future, our love. It would be impossible for me to just say we can't be together without any doubts.  But all I can remember is what he told me and I try to keep it has simple as that, with no other distractions or clutter destroying my beautiful memories.I remember how he loved me and how he tells me he still does. I keep my love true and hold to my word. 

Monkeys

2 days of monkeys talk. As geologists I never knew I would get the opportunity of knowing that much about monkeys and apes. But that's how life is. It finds the way of completing our lives. It's funny and i enjoy to be exposed to all this info about monkeys because I know one day I'll tell her about it. I am as sad as she is or she has but I am here.
Today, I tried 24 kinds of beer, I am proud of it. I don't even know how jay and I did it.d She would enjoy the chocolate stout beer and a monkey anecdote. That's all I could think about

Portlandia II

It is amazing to see the efforts and sacrifices of people to pursue their dreams and investigations. The amount of work that they put in their research is incredible and only they now the painstaking process and frustration that they have to overcome. I have met people from different places and it motivates me to keep on working on my sciences. Sometimes I feel that I am not in love enough of my career but today I look to everyone at the conference and I think im in love enough to be a a geologist. Although this meeting is for anthropologists and I feel slightly like an outcast, I really appreciate the science behind it even when it gets very complex and I am not sure what they r talking about. However, the speakers are very generous and nice and explain very well their work to people that are not familiar with it. That is science, it is simple. If a person speaks to you about their research an that person is not able to put it in context or give you the importance in normal words, they fail as scientists. I don't think science should be complicated since science is from people for people.

Portlandia 1

Portland reminds me of many things. It is strange how a place that I have never visited before fills my heart with so much nostalgia. I decided to walk since I get here or ride free transportation because a new city has to be enjoyed on feet. The mountains and hills reminds me of the hills of Quito. They make me remember the days that I used to walk to school. Those days that I felt very secure of everything, or at least those days where I did not have to worry about fixing anything. Now, everything seems broken, fractured or how we call it in geology faulted. The weather of Portland resembles Quito's too. It makes me feel like in my old bed. I remember staying awake at night lying on my bed thinking about the future, thinking about the future me doing something, somewhere.
So, I walk to down town and I was lost. I was lost. I was walking in circles. I was surrounded by people that were completely different, I was different to everyone. I did not belong there. I did not belong in Quito. I did not belong in Portland. Have you had the depressing feeling that you do not belong to in a place? however, sometimes while walking I felt loved. Somewhere, I knew I was loved. That woke me up in my trip to down town. Portland reminded me that I was always alone, that I always wanted to be alone. It sucked. I felt nostalgia because recently I was not alone. Now, I am. I wanted to be alone for now. I got to admit that it sucks as much as it did before. Yet, this time is different. I realize before I was alone because I had no choice. Today, I took the decision to be alone.
I went hiking in the morning, short walk up hill...miss holding hands. Miss the rain. 

You are My Coffee

     You are my coffee. You are my daily pick me up. You wake me up every morning. That one cup of coffee in the morning, keeps me going all day. Without my coffee, I can’t concentrate, can’t focus. Recently, the doctor told me I can’t have coffee for a while, I was hurt. They told me, we can’t have you addicted or rely on it. It been about a month without my morning sweetener, motivator, and I was tempted. The other day I gave in. It was amazing, to drink you again, to remember how well you fit into my life so perfectly. That with just that morning pickup, it rebooted, rejuvenated, gave me my motivational spirit to keep going, to finish and get working on my school work again. I think it will be okay, if I have that nice cup of coffee once in a while to help me. To keep me focused motivated to finish. To know my coffee is still there, right where I left it. To know the price of my coffee didn’t and won’t jump up to $12.00 a cup and leaving me to never get another cup of coffee again. I think it would be okay to have a cup of coffee to know it will still be the same great taste and it still wants me to buy it.  Now from time to time and later when my doctor says I can have you again a lot more. I don’t want to get my caffeine from any another substitute nor any other flavor and I won’t. My coffee was my first love, my first caffeine, and you always will be my last.